A couple of days ago I noticed a post on Instagram titled “Ask Your Father” and it sparked my curiosity. The author proposed that readers should consider asking their parents about their lives. This is how to learn their secrets and this is interesting for several reasons:

1. as parents, we assume that our kids know all about us – wrong! They only know about the time they spent with us and almost nothing about our life before that. So, I thought I would add a list of things that you (meaning, you crazy kids) might want to ask your parents in order to find some of the stories they are dying to share (and some they aren’t).

2. most of us assume that we know everything there is to know about the people in our lives, especially family.

3. when was the last time you sat down with someone, especially your parents, and focused your discussion on who they are, where they come from, what their experiences, hopes and dreams are?

4. how will you remember that person when you can no longer talk to them?

5. what do you know about your parent’s successes, failures, challenges, opportunities

I would strongly caution us to let our kids initiate this conversation if you want to avoid the eye rolls from people who are too busy or just not interested at this time.

THINGS TO ASK YOUR MOM OR DAD

If you want to learn more about your parents’ history, ask open-ended questions that encourage them to share their memories and experiences. Here are some questions you might consider asking:

1. Early Life:
   • Can you tell me about your childhood home?
   • What were your parents like when you were growing up?
   • What are some of your earliest memories?
2. Education and Career:
   • What was school like for you?
   • Did you have any favorite subjects or teachers?
   • How did you choose your career path?
3. Relationships and Family:
   • How did you meet Mom/Dad?
   • What were your wedding day and early married life like?
   • What was it like becoming a parent for the first time?
4. Milestones and Challenges:
   • Can you share any significant events that happened during your lifetime?
   • What were some of the toughest challenges you faced, and how did you overcome them?
   • What are you most proud of achieving?
5. Values and Beliefs:
   • Are there any family traditions or values that have been passed down through generations?
   • How has your worldview or beliefs changed over time?
   • What advice would you give your younger self?
6. Life Lessons:
   • What are some important lessons you’ve learned throughout your life?
   • Are there any experiences that have profoundly impacted you?
   • What do you hope to pass on to future generations?
7. Personal Reflections:
   • Looking back, is there anything you would have done differently?
   • What do you consider to be the happiest moments of your life?
   • How do you want to be remembered?
8. Historical Context:
   • How did world events during your lifetime shape your experiences?
   • Can you share any memories or insights into significant historical events you witnessed?

Encourage your parents to share stories, anecdotes, and personal insights that provide a deeper understanding of their lives. Active listening and follow-up questions can also help to enrich the conversation and uncover valuable details. There is some excellent research on the importance of knowing our family history here.

Many moons ago, I did a series of blogs for people who want to create their own biography. It was a series of questions that you can answer about yourself and then hope that sometime in the future your kids might want to read it. It was very detailed and might still be of interest to you. You can always print out the sections and start at any time. Here’s the link.